The Chap | May 15, 2013
The Fitzrovia Radio Hour is 5 years old! To celebrate this joyous occasion, the 1940s radio troupe are performing a special birthday show at Brasserie Zedel – next to Piccadilly Circus tube, London – on Wednesday 29th May to Sat 1st June at 7.30pm. www.fitzroviaradio.com for tickets!
“Absolutely spiffing!” The Daily Telegraph
“Jolly good show!” The Chap
The Chap | April 26, 2013
Tickets for the Ninth Chap Olympiad have gone on sale. After the hoohah surrounding last year’s Olympiad, which was shamelessly copied by the British Olympic Committee and turned into a hamburger and fizzy drink promoting exercise, this year’s event will be a welcome return to the grass roots of The Chap Olympiad.
New events for 2013 will include:
Parallel Bars: contestants standing between two parallel cocktail bars will need to mix two drinks simultaneously, while performing an impressive bar routine with perfect dismount.
Breadbasket Ball contestants will be invited to dine at table in the middle of the track. A team of servants at each end of the table will play basketball with the bread and the breadbasket. The dinner guests must interrupt play if they are to be served any victuals.
Bounder Hunt Female contestants will be invited to hunt the bounder throughout the gardens using a large butterfly net. First one to catch the cad gets to slap him with her handbag.
Well Dressage Riding on a hobbyhorse, each competitor will need to perform a series of dressage steps to music. Our esteemed judging panel will score each performance.
Beach Volleybowler A game of beach volleyball will be played on a sanded course, using a bowler hat as ball. Skimpy swimwear will not be required, nor even permitted.
These, along with several other new events, plus old favourites Umbrella Jousting and Tug of Moustache, will take place in Bedford Square Gardens on Saturday 13th July 2013, from 12pm until nightfall.
Tickets available from ticketscript.com or by calling Bourne & Hollingsworth on
0207 724 1617
The Chap | April 26, 2013
A team of scientists working on Mount Everest has broken the world record for the highest altitude reading of The Chap. Dr. Martin, Dr. Hennis, Dr. Smedley, Dr. Vercueil, Dr. Couppis, Mr. Horscroft and Captain Carroll sent us this photograph of a reading of The Chap at South Base Camp in Nepal, at an altitude of 17,598 feet.
The team are engaged in “a scientific endeavour of the utmost importance”. They claim, however, to value their leisure time and made the most of their spectacular high altitude by casually setting a world record for the highest reading of The Chap magazine ever recorded on Earth.
The previous record was held by a small team of Chaps who in 2007 ascended a “sculpture” by Rachel Whiteread in Tate Modern, whose height was estimated at 47 feet, in the short time the gentlemen had to take measurements before being kicked out by security guards.
The Chap | April 22, 2013
The long-anticipated announcement of the date of this year’s Chap Olympiad – which can now return to its original title of The Chap Olympics without risk of being hauled before the now non-existent British Olympic Committee – has come: Saturday 13th July in Bedford Square Gardens, London.
This year’s incarnation of this stunning attempt by a lot of stuffed shirts to run around and jump up and down a bit will see the introduction of six brand-new events, all designed to test the mettle of the elegant of trouser, but not so elegant of sudden movement.
The new events, which will be listed in their entirety next week, will put vital gentlemanly skills to the test, such as throwing buns around, playing chiff-chaff, passing the Port and reclining decorously on a divan.
The Ninth Chap Olympics will take place from 12pm until 9pm on Saturday 13th July 2013. Tickets will go on sale by Friday 26th April and will be available from this very webular emporium, as well as Ticketweb.
The Chap | April 19, 2013
Following increasingly plaintive demand from the dishevelled of French cuff, The Chap Cufflinks are back with a dapper new design.
Discreetly displaying the iconic Chap logo with an even more discreet “C” behind it, the Chap Cufflinks are a subtle manner of displaying one’s Anarcho-Dandyist allegiances, in a world where many men don’t even wear shirts anymore, never mind whether the cuffs are fastened or not.
For those who wish to keep their reading matter and their politics to themselves, we have also produced a range of cufflinks displaying one’s allegiance to the moustache or the pipe. But please don’t feel that these wrist adornments are substitutes for the real thing; we advise the nude of upper lip to think of moustache cufflinks or lapel badges as a precursor to the cultivation of real face furniture, and the pipe cufflinks to be the first step on the road to becoming a fully fledged devotee of the briar.
View the entire range by visiting thechapmagazine.co.uk/shop/adornments
The Chap | April 12, 2013
The Chap’s latest edition sought an audience with barrel-voiced thespian and explorer Brian Blessed, who got Michael “Atters” Attree in a headlock and told him about climbing Everest in tweeds, hearing about the Dalai Lama’s sex life, having out-of-body-experiences, threatening to knock Oliver Reed’s teeth down his throat and blazers.
Elsewhere, we focus on the noble gentlemanly art of seduction, with advice from Tom Cuter on securing the charms of a likely lady. Donald Twain chooses his five favourite femmes fatales, one of whom went and died just before we went to press, and it wasn’t Cleopatra. Photographer Nick Mann put six lovely ladies in a crumbling boudoir and snapped them smoking a variety of pipes, while Zack Pinsent pens his first column on being the only properly dressed chap at his school, without any spelling mistakes.
Cricket looks at various sly players’ tactics to maintain a healthy diet of pipes, cigarettes, Pimm’s, lager and fags while discharging their duties at the Crease; Grooming looks at correctly stropping a cut-throat razor; William Walker showcases hi Futuristic, Self-assembly, Vari-part Seduction Engine (patents pending); we hear about the Architect of Elegance, Adolf Loos and the Tailor of Taste, Montague Burton; our Films reviewed are a new collection of lost Ealing Classics, and our new Music section opens with Mr. B the Gentleman Rhymer on Ronald Frankau and Spike Jones.
The Chap | March 11, 2013
Hot on the heels of the Jimmy Saville scandal, writes Steve Pittard, the BBC has committed another dreadful faux pax, by axing Charters and Caldicott from their new production of The Lady Vanishes.
In the original 1938 Hitchcock film, elderly rail traveller Miss Froy disappears, but the biggest mystery in this new production, due to air on BBC 1 on 17th March, is that so do Charters and Caldicott. Those splendid bumbling cricket obsessives, rushing back to England to see the last days of a Test match, were played by Basil Radford and Naunton Wayne.
Stealing the show in the 1938 original, their roles went on to be reprised in other films such as Night train to Munich, and the pair took centre stage in the 1985 television series Charters and Caldicott. Yet the BBC did not consider them important enough to include in the new production of The Lady Vanishes. Is it not perhaps time for Auntie to start getting her priorities right?
The Chap | February 13, 2013
Former pop superstar and poster-boy for ageing teen-idols Simon Le Bon has taken the bold step of decorating his upper lip with a superb smasher.
The erstwhile Duran Duran singer grew his lip weasel for Movember but then, with the approbation of his good lady wife, decided to keep it, realising that moustaches are for life, not just for November.
Michael “Atters” Attree, moustachioed editor-at-large for The Chap, commented: “My oh my, how this cheesy 80s upper-lip Stilton has matured! Having recently injured his vocal chords, this Wild Boy has come back down to Planet Earth with a banging lip smasher.”
Simon Le Bon’s previous hairy moments include capsizing his yacht, only to be rescued by the Royal Navy – who weren’t sporting facial hair but more vital dinghies. No doubt this is the ingenuous reasoning behind Mr. Le Bon’s stylish lip-flippers. However, with his right lip-fin being a tad more dominant than his left, Mr. le Bon may have difficulty gaining ingress to the hallowed Handlebar Club, should the club be honoured with his application.
The Chap | February 11, 2013
The latest issue of The Chap, in the shops from Tuesday 12th February, investigates the world of science. Our main interview is with former boffin Ben Miller, who threw away a career in astrophysics, thank goodness, in order to devote himself to being a rather amusing fellow and doing that funny hip-talking RAF pilots sketch on the Armstrong and Miller Show.
Michael “Atters” Attree provides a form of obituary to Sir Patrick Moore, recalling the extremely pleasant and enlightening afternoon he spent in the great astronomer’s company just before he died. We award the “Noble” prize for services to Chapkind, selecting the five exemplary fellows who have advanced the cause over the centuries, from Daruma Buddha (inventor of the teapot) to Terry-Thomas (inventor of the Elixir). For shed-bound boffins, there are detailed instructions on building a medium-sized Hadron Collider, so you can master the secrets of the Universe in the comfort of your potting shed.
Wine writer “Jolly” Olly Smith explains the lengths he went to in order to ensure that his raiment was precise for a white-tie lecture to the Vintners Livery Company. Russ Nash takes a detailed stroll around St James’s, to find the curious characters and establishments that make this area the epicentre of gentlemanliness. Tiffany Tondut makes a dangerous saunter out of SW1 to discover a dusty taxidermist in Islington. Tom Cutler explains the rudiments of taxidermy in his new regular column, the Arts of the Gentleman.
Neil Ridley dons his horn-rimmed safety spectacles to inspect the new craft whisky distilleries of North America, whose eccentric procedures include playing loud music to the casks of maturing “whiskey”. Our gambling column looks at the skulduggery that has made horse racing more interesting, and lucrative, than other sports over the years. In grooming, the Rev’d Oliver Harrison explains how to set about purchasing an open, straight or cut-throat razor, all of which are exactly the same thing.
To purchase the latest edition, visit magazine
The Chap | February 7, 2013
American teen wear retailer Abercrombie & Fitch is facing further setbacks in its absurd attempt to open a children’s store on Savile Row. Their latest application to Westminster Council was described as “deeply flawed” by one council official.
The sections of the plans objected to by the council centre around Abercrombie & Fitch wishing to make major structural changes to the Grade II-listed building they have bought at number 3 Savile Row. The company applied for permission to open a children’s store last year and was allowed to move into the building, which comes under a Special Policy Area order designed to keep tailoring as the principal trading activity on Savile Row.
Other requests in the retailer’s application that were refused included playing music loud enough to be heard on the street; allowing hordes of teenagers to linger on the pavement outside the store; vulgar celebrity-attended promotional events and pumping eau de cologne out of the windows to attract customers (and besmirch the clothing of customers visiting their tailors on Savile Row). A report by the council’s strategic director for built environment said a plan for fixed screens on the windows, shutting out light to create a nightclub feel, was “deeply flawed” and damaging to the character of the street. It also said the flagpoles that normally hang from Abercrombie & Fitch stores were “highly inappropriate”. Abercrombie & Fitch have appealed and a public inquiry is set for February 12.
When the proposed new store was announced last year, The Chap staged a protest outside number 3, Savile Row on 23rd April, chanting our slogan, “Give Three-Piece a Chance.” It looks as though Westminster Council has either heard our voices, or has some very well-dressed councillors on the board.
The Chap | January 20, 2013
A selection of electronic and real-time retailers of fine foods, wines and other comestibles.
HOOPINGTON PALLABY Now the season of festive abligurition has passed and the ensuing, somewhat delassating collations are at an end, cenatory delights beckon once more. Hoopington Pallaby: the finest game, beef, lamb, pork and poultry from small traditional farms delivered to your door. www.hoopingtonpallaby.co.uk
The Chap | January 18, 2013
The Chap attended the opening night of a new production of Simon Gray’s Quartermaine’s Terms. The play is set in a language school in Cambridge in the 1960s, and while overall the costumes reflected the period and social class of the characters accurately, the lead actor, Rowan Atkinson was wearing black shoes with a tweed suit!
Naturally horrified, The Chap sought an audience with the costume supervisor of the play, and pointed out this oversight. It seems that the director had insisted on Mr. Atkinson wearing black shoes, under the illusion that he was in town during the hours that the play is set. He is not in town, he is in Cambridge! Town is of course nowhere else in the world except London. Besides, there are many scenes in the play where St John Quartermaine (Atkinson) is seen during the weekend in his tweed suit, yet still wearing black shoes!
The result of this conversation was that the costume supervisor went to the director and said, “Look here, old stick – The Chap has been in touch, and those shoes have got to be changed, or we risk certain sartorial humiliation for the rest of our West End run.” That very same day, the costume supervisor went out and personally purchased a pair of brown brogues (from Loake, to be precise) for Mr. Atkinson, who will now wear them for the remainder of the play’s run at Wyndham’s Theatre in London.
Mr. Atkinson is pictured here in an earlier publicity still from the play. In the current production, he wears a splendid greenish-brown tweed three-piece suit for the duration of the play, apart from appearing in the denouement in black tie.